Monday, July 11, 2016

The Good Old Days

I have to admit I sometimes yearn for the old days, before the Internet. Back then I actually had a life.

It started out innocently enough; I got a cell phone in my car. All of the really cool guys on TV  had one, now I did. I couldn't afford to use it a lot, but at least I had some way to get help in the event my car broke down, as long as there was cell service.

Back then is when I think this weird connection we have with our phones started. As I drove around the countryside of this great nation performing comedy I found myself constantly checking my phone.

What was I looking at? The signal strength indicator. I needed to know if I was going to be able to use the phone in the event of emergency. Or what if I did need to make that "important" call? I wanted to be sure my phone that was bolted to the floor of my car would be ready to go.

And what was the first thing I checked when I got into the car? Was my phone still there? It was a valuable item; someone might have stolen it! What would happen to my "cool dude" status if I no longer had it? After all, it was there for all to see, there was no hiding it.

Then there was the excitement of actually using the thing. Yes, I'm calling you, from my CAR! No, it's not a BIG deal, doesn't everyone have a phone in their CAR?

At least back then I was able to take a break. After all, how much time could one person spend in a car?

I didn't realize it then, but I was already on the road to ruin.

The beginning of the end came when they made the "mobile" phone truly mobile. It was no longer attached to the car; I could take it ANYWHERE! Hey! Thanks for calling! What am I doing? Well, I'm sitting by the river now, waiting for someone to call so I can say, "I'm at the river and you can still reach me". How about that!

Sure, the early cell phones were the size of a brick and pretty inconvenient to carry around. But on the other hand ... they were the size of a brick and EVERYONE could see that you had one!

Then they started making them smaller, and no one new you had one, BUT ... you could flip them open! Just like the communicators on Star Trek! In the back of your mind when you watched Star Trek you knew those things were fake, but yours was REAL! HA!

This is about the time that the evil geniuses of the Internet started to take notice. They had been working on their own plan to make us dependent on the Internet and it was going pretty well. Computer prices had been coming down for years now and a computer was no longer out of the reach of your average person on the street. Now everyone was getting one. But to use the Internet, they had to use their telephone line, which was slow, BUT ...

The evil geniuses on the Internet knew a BIG secret. Something that your average person on the street didn't know. The phone system actually WAS a computer system! That's right, for all these years (even Aunt Mabel who was still using a rotary phone) people had actually been using a giant computer network! Because that is what the phone system actually is.

So they came up with a plan ... let's get the phone companies to admit to what they REALLY are and have them add the Internet to their cell phones. We'll keep the Lemmings busy with dial up service until you guys at the phone company can make a phone that can easily use the Internet. We'll take care of it all after that.

We'll make it so they can't go anywhere without us. They won't actually need the phone anymore to talk on. We'll convince them that sending a smiley face or a frowny face is more than enough. We'll convince them that the only place to find someone to marry is on the Internet. We're going to get them to the point that a date night will consist of 2 people sitting at a table looking longingly ... into their phones at OUR Internet, it's going to be GREAT!

And so it was ...

Saturday, July 02, 2016

Always Trust the Gut - The Event

If you haven't already done so, you view the previous entry that sets this one up, or you could just start here.

When we left our heroes they had done everything in their power to put the evil event coordinators on the path of truth, justice and the American way ...

It's now 10 days prior to the event and I check the web site statistics. We moved up to 75 views on the ticket/information page for this event. This concerns me but I put it aside because as it was explained to me by the event coordinator, they have never sold advance tickets. It's a local event so everyone is used to showing up and buying their passes on that weekend.


As a part of our agreement the event is to provide us rooms from Thursday - Saturday. We're coming in a day early to make sure we get everything set up properly. I hadn't yet heard from the event regarding where we were staying, but I wasn't surprised, I hadn't heard much of anything from them.

I send an email to the event coordinator asking about the lodging 7 days before we're supposed to get there and I receive back ... nothing. I let things go over the weekend as I figured they're in the home stretch; they're busy. I send a follow up on Tuesday and get a brief message saying that they'll have my lodging information on Friday and Saturday when I get there for load in. I respond with a short message. "Thank you, but we're coming in on Thursday"; and get a reply that says, "I've only gotten you hotel rooms for 2 nights". I respond politely by pointing out that page 1 item 2 of the contract states we'll get rooms for Thursday - Saturday. The reply I receive is, "I'll look into it tomorrow".

Strike 1

The next day (Wednesday, we're leaving for the event) I receive another brief message saying they're sorry; that they will correct and give me hotel information for Friday and Saturday and that they'll pass along the  Thursday night hotel info once they get it. Also in that email is "and we're going to have to move your booth, we'll discuss it when you get here".

What? Huh? Where?

There had been a long discussion regarding booth placement. The spot we were in was selected specifically because it would give us the greatest amount of exposure, giving us the best chance to sell tickets. I send a text message saying, "you're moving us from the best location?", I receive the answer, "it's going to be better for you to move; it will benefit you".

Strike 2

I'm having the nagging feeling of impending doom at this point and I send a text response of "I'm freaking out here", which gets me a call from the event coordinator. The call is not to calm my fears; it's more of a scolding which contained something to the effect of "if I'd have know how much time you we're going to take".

Strike 3

I should have turned around and headed home. I didn't; and in my own defense I'll tell you where my head was at. We had already been somewhat promoted and I felt like once we got down there, I would be able to get things straightened out. I generally would not allow someone to talk to me that way, but felt there was no point in pissing them off any further when we were depending on them to promote us.

Right ... I should have turned around.

We get into town Thursday mid-afternoon and head straight to the hotel we're at Friday and Saturday, hoping there will be a room. We had not received any further information and truthfully, I was not expecting there to be one. I was not disappointed.

Our next stop was the event location, where we are greeted by the assistant coordinator, who claims to know very little. I am not convinced, she's the only other person that was involved in the planning of this event. Even so, it becomes apparent immediately that the coordinator is micromanaging this event. We get the materials that have been left for us, and the event coordinator is called. The coordinator shows up and is gracious enough. I do my best to "make nice" about the stress that has been happening so far.

We're shown around the facility and are shown where our ticket booth will be. We're told that this location was selected because once someone is registered; they will have to pass us to get to the outside vendors. If they are coming back inside; they would have to pass us to get to the inside vendors. It would assure us the exposure we needed to promote our show.

I'll point out at we originally were supposed to be right next to their merchandise area, which everyone will visit. Based on what we were told, the spot they assigned us seemed comparable. It wasn't as good, but it was as close as we were going to come; it was going to have to do.

We were then given our hotel information and told we were only there Thursday night and would have to check out and move to the other hotel on Friday. Inconvenient to be sure, but we're already on this train of destruction; at this point, I'm just looking out the windows waiting for the crash.

The crash came the next day; Friday, the first day of the event. We got our booth set up; and when they opened the doors at 1:00P ... nothing. There were maybe 20 people waiting to get in. They had changed the weekend of the event. In previous years it had been held in April. This year they moved it to another month, on a weekend there was a holiday, and two other events of the same type in competition. While there was an expectation that the numbers would be down some; no one would have expected what was about tho happen.

Back to our misery, already in progress.

We didn't see any of those first 20 people. They went straight to the inside vendor area and then ... exited the inside vendor area through another door that we were told would not be available that completely bypassed us. Not only that; they were able to go back in that way as well. Really, there was no reason to go by us at all unless they were just wandering around; which wasn't happening much.


Because moving the event also caused them to lose the majority of their vendors. They had only signed up (my estimate) a third of years prior. There was nothing to look at. People were making one loop through and then heading home though the outside exits to the parking lot.

I recognized this and at about 5:00, I spoke to the facility manager about moving our booth down the hall a ways. It would put us partially in front of the inside vendor exit and the bathrooms. It would be helping our exposure greatly. We had been told there were strict rules about such things, so I wanted to make sure it was okay with them before we asked the event people.

The facilities manager had no problem with it and neither did the event people. To his credit the facilities manager brought in a small crew and moving our bo0th was like a Chinese Fire Drill. On minute we were in one spot and 30 seconds later in another.

It didn't help much; because in fact attendance was so low that they we're still giving away the free gift to the first 500 attendees at 6:00P that night. How many people had we seen? About 20 ... our show was at 7:15P. Add the number of tickets we sold which was 2 (10% of the people we talked to) to the on-line sales, 0 and you get ... no show.

We stayed until the end of the day, 9:30P and actually sold another pair of tickets. The couple that bought the first pair were okay with moving to the Saturday night show too! So going into Saturday we had improved our location (a little) and had 4 tickets sold. If we could get good attendance at the Saturday night show we could make this work.

That turned out to be a BIG if.

Saturday came and the doors opened at 11:00A, coincidentally that is when the complaining began. We moved another 10 feet down to place ourselves squarely in the view of anyone coming to/from the bathrooms and the indoor vendor area. We became a defacto information booth. The most frequent question we were asked was "Is this all there is?". We would hear that about 20 minutes after they had gone through every last thing the event had to offer. When we told them that was it, they were angry and felt they had wasted their money. Then they left the event and had no intentions of coming back.

When we were able to talk to people about our comedy show it went something like this:

Us: There's a comedy show tonight at 7:15.

Them: Comedy? We didn't know there was comedy.

Us: It's an hour and 15 minute show that starts at 7:15.

Them: We won't be here; we're leaving now. There's nothing to do here.

We also had this conversation frequently

Us: There's a comedy show tonight at 7:15. It requires a separate ticket.

Them: What? I just wasted $17 per person, why would I throw away more.

Us: Well, we're not actually a part of the event so we sell out own tickets.

Them: Not a part of the event? You're here on your own?

Us: Yes. You might say we're "singing for our supper". We'd hope you come.

Them: I doubt it, we're leaving. There's nothing to do here.

As it turned out we were able to sell enough tickets to have a small show. It was a very small show; but the people who came really enjoyed it. We did too.

In hindsight ...

We should have never come. We were not properly promoted. The web site was atrocious. It seems to me the only reason they even had it up was to sign up vendors; which they did poorly at. I could easily write 5,000 words on what was wrong with their site.

I listened to their radio promo, we were mentioned as "and comedy". And ... you really had to pay attention to hear it. They did a promo video, which was (sort off) passed around the net. It was 30 seconds long, mentioned the other entertainment by name with graphics and we got ... "and comedy". The event promoter did 2 television appearances. In one we weren't mentioned, in the other we were "and comedy".

We were an afterthought.

Their promotion was so poor it produced these results.

The event attendance was horrible. On Saturday, like Friday they were still giving away the free gift to the first 500 people at 5:00P; 6 hours after the doors opened.

The people who did come were mostly angry at what they paid versus what they got. Very few vendors and high prices for beverages and food just made them angry.

Their big name entertainment on Friday and Saturday night did okay, but for the most part, this event was a bust

That all being said, it's obvious to me that we were lied to. We were never really promoted and they had no intentions on promoting us. The only reason we were there is so they could say they had "more entertainment" than last year.

We made some new friends and met a lot of nice people. And we were able to experience just about every bad thing that could happen to us in 1 event; rather than stringing them through 6 or 7.

We'll be ready next time ...