Saturday, February 13, 2016

Dear Future Former Club Owner

Dear Mr. Failure,

I'm writing this "I told you so" letter in advance. I want to be the first one "on the record" to say that it is inevitable that your comedy club will fail.

I tried to help you. I reached out and offered what I had learned during my ownership of a 225 seat comedy club. It was a polite email; it was an olive branch. What did I receive back from you? A smart ass response telling me how since you had been in the Army for 20 years and had a "background in marketing" that you would be "OK, lol" LoL? Really? 20 years in the Army and you use the term "lol" in a business related email?

That told me a lot. Not the lol. The "lol" told me that you don't know how to properly communicate with another business person. I'm wondering what your "background in marketing" actually is? The last time I checked the Army wasn't in "retail". Were you the one who cleaned the sign at the entrance of the base you were on?

The part that I learned the most of was how you didn't even ask me a question. All you did was tell me how you'd been in the military for the past 20 years and you had a "marketing" background.

I think you're basking in a little too much "thanks for your service" afterglow. The last time I checked the military didn't do a lot to prepare you to run a regular business, much less a comedy club. The last time I checked the only "marketing" they did was for enlisted men, they weren't really selling a product.

Now, do I think you're going to fail because you didn't ask for my advice? Absolutely not; I think you're going to fail because you think you have it all figured out. That when you had the chance to speak with someone who had been in the world of comedy for 25 years, owned a 225 seat comedy club located in one of the top 25 cities of the US, has ties with some of the most successful comedy club owners in the business and was the Senior Loan Officer of a bank; you probably should have taken it.

It may not have been advice that applied to your situation. But how would you know until you heard it? That's why you will fail. Because you think you have it all figured out. You'll find out soon enough that you don't, and by the time you figure that out it will be too late for you to pull out of the nose dive that your comedy club will be experiencing.

Even though you haven't asked for it, I'll give you some advice anyway. Instead of putting all that money into a comedy club, burn it; at least you'll get some heat out if it.

Your friend in comedy,


Note: There is an episode of my podcast The Spew that gives the background for this entry. It's short and to listen to by clicking here.

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