Tuesday, July 29, 2014

50 Shades of What?

Color me surprised! The runaway best seller "50 Shades of Grey" will soon be in theaters and they just released the trailer that lit up the Internet.

The book "50 Shades of Grey" was originally published in 2011 and was a world wide best seller. A world wide best seller, and I have not ever met a man that has read it. It was almost exclusively women that loved this book on the BDSM lifestyle.

For those of you that don't know, BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism. Those that are into it call it an "Alternate Lifestyle".

It's easier to tell your friends you're in an alternate lifestyle than describe to them what it actually means. If you are the least bit curious or looking to "spice up" your sex life you can find a list of BDSM terms on this Wikipedia page.

You will find some very interesting things on that list:

Figging: The practice of inserting a piece of ginger root into the anus or vagina.


Nose Torture: A traditionally Japanese form of BDSM often involving nose hooks.

Are you interested yet?

A big part of the BDSM community is the Master/Slave Dominant/Submissive lifestyle which is what the 50 Shades of Grey book is about. The people into that take it VERY seriously. In fact it's almost standard practice for the participants (both the dominant and submissive) to fill out a questionnaire and have a contract.

If you want some interesting reading here's a questionnaire (it's not family friendly) that I found out on the Internet. It includes questions like

Have you done, do you like?

Bondage - Suspension or Suspension Inverted
Bondage material - Chain, Leather, Rope, Saran Wrap, Scarves or Tape

I'm not going to get into the specifics, but if you'd like to have that "I had no clue" feeling, you should probably read the list.

So now that (if you're a man) you know (because the women already do) what "50 Shades of Grey" is about, I can get to what I'm really wondering about.

Women love this book. They read it cover to cover. They discuss it in groups. It's been all the rage since it came out. It's a ROMANCE novel! If you use this as a barometer, clearly, women LOVE the BDSM lifestyle.

Then why haven't I met one of them? I've been in plenty of relationships and been married more times than I like to mention (3) and NOT once has a woman asked me to stick a piece of Ginger Root in one of her orifices.

Why? Do I smell like vanilla?

It's not that I actually am interested in that kind of thing. Truthfully, I don't have the time. Plus, who is really having the fun? The guy holding onto the Ginger Root, or the person having it inserted into them?

It all just sound likes a lot of work to me.

I believe that many women would say that BDSM is sexy, just like they say they think men with a sense of humor are sexy. As many women as I've heard say that a sense of humor is sexy on a man; it's never helped me.

I'd like to think I have a good sense of humor. After all, I'm a professional. People pay me to be funny, but not once has a well placed joke gotten me into bed with a woman. It sense of humor didn't keep me out of divorce court either.

"50 Shades of Grey"? I think it's just 50 Shades of Lies ...

No comments: