Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mothers Day


I don't think so.

I love my mother but this has to stop.

I should not have to live through this pressure every year. It's not fair to me, it's not fair to men throughout this fine country.

Mother's day should be abolished.

It's not even the day everyone thinks it is. But I will say this.....

I group this day in with Valentines and St. Patrick's Day. It's just another usual holiday that adds profit to corporate America.

We are not even celebrating it the way it was intended. Here is the history of Mother Day.

After the Civil War Julia Ward Howe who was a social activist wanted a day called "Mothers Day for Peace" which would unite women against war. In 1870 she wrote the "Mothers Day Proclamation". It is below:

Arise, then, women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts,
Whether our baptism be of water or of tears!

Say firmly:
"We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country, will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the bosom of the devastated Earth a voice goes up with our own.
It says: "Disarm! Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil at the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel.

Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace,
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar, But of God.

In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And at the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.
She was inspire by another woman named Ann Jarvis who in 1858 started a campaign called "Mothers' Work Days" to improve sanitary conditions for soldiers on both sides of the civil war.

Julie Ward Howe's idea didn't take hold. Bit in 1907 Anna Jarvis (the daughter of Ann Jarvis) went on a crusade to have a day have a memorial day for women. By 1923 the holiday had become so commercialized that Anna Jarvis became a major opponent of the holiday.

Now if Anna Jarvis didn't think much of holiday she helped create, why should I?

Why should I be excited about a holiday that was started over toilet paper and latrines?

I love my mother. Everyone (well almost everyone) loves their mother. I tell my mom I love her all the time. I do little things for her on a regular basis. I don't need a day to be reminded of my mother's importance to me.

Do you?

I don't think so. I think the only people who really need mothers day are retailers, florists and restaurants.

I don't know about you but I do not feel the need to line the pockets of these businesses. I'm having enough trouble just paying for gas. I don't need another fake holiday to remind of something I should already be doing.

Like honoring my mother.

If our society continues to support these ridiculous days I say that we put them all together. We could combine Valentines Day, St. Patrick's Day, Arbor Day, Groundhog Day, April Fools Day, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Grandparents Day and United Nations Day into one grand holiday. We can call it......

Waste of Time Day


It would be a great day! You get up in the morning and (if you don't already have a groundhog as a pet) look for your shadow.

Have a mug of green beer with your dad for breakfast.

Follow that with a prank call to a drug store where you ask if they have Prince Albert in a can. If you don't have a drug store you can call you can replace this step by wearing a red rubber nose all day.

During the entire day give out those ridiculous little candy hearts to everyone you have contact with.

Then you have lunch with your Grandparents (after all that's usually their big meal) and an extravagant meal with your mother at dinner time.

Then at the end of the day you use spikes to nail a United Nations flag to a tree.

Sounds like a great stupid holiday doesn't it?

I'll be staying home.....

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentines Day is for ...


.....Women

Let's be honest. Valentines day is a day every women looks forward to and every man dreads.

I was watching the girlie segment of the Today Show (everything after 9:00AM) and they were having a huge discussion about how important Valentines Day was.

Do you think there were any men there? Absolutely not.

And why is this?

Because we don't care, Valentines Day has a responsibility for us. We find no joy in it. We never know if we are going to get it right. Is what we do too much or not enough? Were we supposed to get a card, candy, flowers, or jewelry? Are we supposed to make you breakfast in bed or take you out to dinner?

Or is it all of the above just to be safe?

Do you girls get us something? Sure. Do we care? No.

You want to get us something we really want for Valentines Day? Tell us you are not going to observer it ... ever!

So why does Valentines Day even exist? If you really do love your partner/spouse/squeeze shouldn't you be letting them know that on a regular basis anyway?

Who came up with this day of observance? Was it a religious holiday to commemorate St. Valentine, the patron saint of love?

Or maybe it came from the Greek calendar and has been celebrated since the beginning of time.

Could it be the real truth is that FTD is responsible for all this?

I was really hoping it would be FTD, but it is actually based on a Christian holiday ... rats! There is no humor in that.

So even though this day may be based on tradition, I don't think anyone ever intended for it become such a one sided day.

It's like you girls get an extra birthday every year and that's not fair!

When you combine that with Mothers Day that gives you girls 3 days a year where you are showered with attention and gifts.

What do we get? Our birthday because no one cares about Fathers day, it's a non event.

And the truth is only the tool stores are disappointed that Fathers Day didn't take hold. Because men don't care about Fathers Day.

The sad truth is most men don't care about any day unless it includes sex. And I mean enthusiastic sex, not the OK I'll put out because I "have to" sex.

That's no fun for anyone.

So girls I hope you put on your sexiest stuff and did the right thing ...