Friday, June 30, 2006

XM Radio


Or.....

What the hell am I supposed to do with over 200 channels?

As with everything else in my life I have a love/hate relationship with XM radio.

I've had it since the end of last year. I got it because I spend an insane amount of time in the car and got tired of not being able to stick with a show for any amount of time.

You see I am a talk radio junkie. What would happen is as I was traveling across the country I would find something on the radio, start listening and then just when it got good I would go out of range. No more show!

I know you're thinking, "But Vilmos don't you like music? Aren't you a musician too? I saw the drum sticks in your photo. Can't you listen to that on the radio?"

Yes I am a musician and I really love playing music but I can't stand listening to it for a long periods of time. It's one of the many contradictions in my life.

So I get XM radio, it has over 200 channels and I listen to.....

ONE.

I listen to channel 202 (High Voltage) and that channel has only 2 shows on it that repeat all day. They are Opie and Anthony that the channel was made for and Ron and Fez.. They are both comedy radio shows.

Ron and Fez are my favorite, I love those guys.

Here's why I like channel 202. It is completely uncensored and unedited. They can say ANYTHING they want. I like that because it makes for some great comedy.

So every other channel on XM radio can bite me.

They have a channel for every decade of music since the 40's. The only "decades" I would even remotely be interested in are the 70's and 80's. I listened to the 80's and it goes from Hall & Oats (geez), to Van Halen (that's good), to Culture club (Holy Shit!), to Donna Summer (I'm changing the channel).

Then you have 8 country channels. They are not by decade because apparently country music hasn't changed much?

Classic Country, 90's and Today Country, Progressive Country, Traditional Country, New Country Hits, Superstar Country hits.......

They threw in Bluegrass and Folk for the "rebels".

There is a channel called "The Heart" that plays love songs 24 hours a day. I wouldn't last an hour listening to that before I'd want to go out and kick some old lady in the knee just to balance myself out.

The only time I want to "listen" to love songs is if I'm trying to screw someone.

There is "Sur La Route" which is Pop Hits broadcast in French! "Sur La Route" must translate to "Do not Listen" because that is my plan.

Then we have "Hear Music" the voice of music at Starbucks. Is there someone out there that has sat in a Starbucks and thought to themselves "Gee this is great music, I would like to listen to is all the time!" Or is your coffee addiction so bad that you need to be listening to the music from your "house of worship" when you are not there?

All in all there are 73 music channels and I have no use for any of them.

So let's go on to the talk radio portion of XM, at least it's what I like to listen to.....

There are over 150 which includes my channel.

This includes C-Span radio. Now regular C-Span is like watching paint dry, why would I want to listen to paint dry.

All the big cable news networks have a channel that is just the audio of their shows on TV. Now I don't watch, why would I want to listen?

There is also a 24/7 Golf channel! Come on, can't these people get a life?

There are 3 comedy channels. I know "But Vilmos, it's comedy. That's what you do. Surely you must be interested in those channels."

Nope, I don't listen or watch comedy when I am not working. Aside from having heard most of it before, I really don't find many things funny. Hell I don't even think I'm funny most times. I have no idea why you do.

Besides, it's like listening to your job. I mean if you worked at the slaughter house all day would you go back when you were off to listen to the cows die?

I didn't think so.....

They have channels for all the major league baseball games (I don't care), NASCAR channel (I don't care) and 20 channels of Traffic/Weather for cities I never go to.

I did the math, I should be paying 6 cents a month......

Sunday, June 25, 2006

If You Are On A Whore Train


.....get off at the next station!

And all I have to do is use my delete button.

For those of you that don't know a "Whore Train" is a quick way for someone to add many friends to their list all at once.

And for what purpose? Heck, I just lost 3,500 friends. If anyone might have need to gain friends quickly it would be me. But I like my friends to be real.

The problem with these "Whore Trains" are just that, most of the profiles on them are either fake or people trying to sell you something.

Here are a few I found.....


You have to read this with a Swedish accent
**********************************************************
Hi all! I'm Ann and I'm from Sweden.. just joined myspace in the quest for new interesting friendships and whatnot.. feel free to leave a comment, send a msg or whatever. I love getting to know new people!
**********************************************************
The only picture on this profile is of a women wearing a thong bent over.

Sure, Ann. I'll be contacting you right away! I've always wanted to date a woman from Sweden! You are just the kind of girl I'm looking for, a slutty Swede!

Here's one that is very social
**********************************************************
First let me say that I post a lot of bulletins, so if you don't like them, don't add me. If you already added me you can delete me or block me.
I get TONS of messages and lots of comments too. I do my best to respond to my messages and to comment back. If my best isn't good enough, I'm sorry, but there is only so much time in a day.
**********************************************************

I for sure want to add her! It's good that she is soooo invested in all the friends she needs to have. There's nothing that makes me want to be friends with someone more than having them not care about me.

Here's one of many free webcam girls
**********************************************************
I love hangin out with the girls, going out, having a few drinks and getting a little tipsy sometimes!! I enjoy meeting new people- why I'm on here! I am known to be the cute, stylish one... guys tend to find me irresistible!! Hope you do too.... and i tend to be a HUGE FLIRT!
**********************************************************

She also has the standard picture of her wearing a very skimpy bathing suit with her hand jambed into the front.

A HUGE FLIRT! Well then I would be so flattered to have her flirt with ME! Especially when I know she does it with EVERYONE. Another nice girl I'd like to bring home to mom!

There are many more too, but it seems to me that most of these people are no one I'd ever like to meet. Here's another strange thing......

A bunch of the profiles I saw were set to private. Now what is the point of that? I want you as a friend, but you can't know anything about me until I add you.

They of course get to see everything you have posted though!

Very strange.

So what's the point anyway? Are your that insecure that you have to have 10,000 friends? And what if anything is that going to do for you? Are you going to.....

Put it on your business card?

Use it as an introduction? "Hi, my names is Jim and I have 10,123 friends on MySpace!"

Use it to prove you are right? "How many MySpace friends did you say you had? Well obviously since I have more I MUST know what I'm talking about!"

Get a bumper sticker that reads "My other car is a Whore Train on MySpace"

Get together with your friends and have a MySpace poker game? "Well I'll see your bet of 500 friends and I'll raise you another 1,000"

Pay your rent with them?

Get gas?

Buy food?

The truth is a large friends list is only going to prove that you have no life. So if your number is a large one.....

I suggest you keep it to yourself.

Friday, June 23, 2006

A Fairy Tail


Once upon a time.....

There was a comedian that just wanted to make people happy. He lived in a building that was always being remodeled. So there was a lot of clutter.

He lived there with his 3 children; The Ponderer, Miss Sensitivity, and The Keeper. There were all a happy family.

His children got on MySpace and the comedian had heard bad things about it so he joined MySpace to keep up with his kids. They were horrified!

Then while the comedian was traveling the country making people laugh he heard that MySpace was a good way to promote himself . He thought why not, I could give that a try. Besides, embarrassing his kids by being on MySpace was beginning to get old.

So he worked really hard at making a profile that people would like. He started to write a blog that people liked to read. A lot of people added him as their friend. It made him happy. It started to make a difference when he made appearances. More people would come to see him because they knew him from MySpace.

In just a couple short months he had 3,500 friends and over 300 people reading his blog every day. Everyone was very happy.

It was while he was on MySpace he met She who must not be named. She lived in a forest (OK, a duplex next to the highway). The sound of cars passing by 24 hours a day had slowly drove her mad. She had her own Crystal Ball and practiced black magic. Even though he already had an Imaginary Girlfriend he thought She who must not be named was a nice girl and decided to date her.

But things didn't work out......

It was too late when he found out she was evil and had been stalking his account the entire time they knew each other. Then She who must not be named found his Imaginary Girlfriend who was also evil.

That is when the dark times started.....

His Imaginary Girlfriend told She who must not be named things that were not true. This angered She who must not be named and she started to email his friends on MySpace and told them his personal information. She told them things like what his regular email address was and how his business was doing.

This made the comedian angry so he started writing about it in his blog. The people on his friends list started to forward the emails they were receiving from She who must not be named. They started to post comments telling She who must not be named how stupid she was being. This made She who must not be named even angrier.

Why didn't anyone get emails from the Imaginary Girlfriend you ask? It is because she was working behind the scenes to fuel She who must not be named's anger. You see the Imaginary Girlfriend is two-faced and manipulative. The entire time the Imaginary Girlfriend was making She who must not be named angrier she was mocking her in emails with the comedian.

When harassing the nice people on his friends list didn't work, they turned to MySpace. She who must not be named and her friends complained and complained and complained. Eventually the elves at MySpace said "enough already, quit bugging us" and deleted the comedians profile.

This made She who must not be named, the Imaginary Girlfriend, and all their friends VERY happy.

The comedian was sad but determined so he rebuilt his profile but alas, after posting one blog to explain what happened he was deleted again.

So the comedian rebuilt his profile one more time and posted his first blog which was a fairy tale.

And he and his friends lived happily ever after.

Maybe.....

Monday, June 19, 2006

My MySpace Vacation


Authors note: The name of the offending party has NOT been changed to protect the "guilty".

So it looks like once again the system has failed. One person is able to tell enough lies or make enough noise to get my profile deleted. I shouldn't be surprised should I? After all, this is the United States of America. Where we protect everyone's rights, even if it means someone else's rights are trampled on.

And truthfully they weren't really anything important, just my right to free speech.

Why did this happen you ask? I wish the answer was simple, so if you don't mind settling in for a little while I will explain.

The first thing you should know is that this was initiated by a woman named Cindy. I made the mistake of dating Cindy for a few months. Mistake is probably minimizing it by just a little. I should probably say that I would swim through a river of shit with my mouth open before I would repeat any of my time with Cindy.

Fortunately for me my time was short. It all started innocently enough around the middle of March. Around the end of April my life started to spiral downward a little bit. There were/are still some things that made it very difficult for me to date someone like Cindy. So around May 23 things were officially ended.

And I should mention I thought amicably.

What I didn't know was that Cindy was about to begin a campaign that would end with my profile being deleted. If you have been following my blogs you will have already read what happened. If not below are links to both of them. They tell the whole story.


MySpace Drama!
My MySpace Drama - Part II


It happened in the middle of the day on June 14. I found out when I couldn't login to my account at MySpace. Then I checked my regular email. I saw a notice from MySpace. It just said that I had violated their terms of service.

Ok, I'll bite. Which one? The MySpace terms of service is longer than the constitution of the United States. That means we are running a government with less rules than MySpace has.

Here is some what MySpace considers to be "prohibited" content.....

Note: My comments are in bold

patently offensive and promotes racism, bigotry, hatred or physical harm of any kind against any group or individual

This is a good one. So much for my "I hate Cindy" page. Damn it.

contains nudity, violence, or offensive subject matter

I bet 25% of MySpace contains nudity and most of those people are violating those of us that see them naked. "Offensive subject matter"? To whom? Some 22 year old kid looking at a computer screen?

involves the transmission of "junk mail," "chain letters," or unsolicited mass mailing, instant messaging, "spimming," or "spamming"

OK, doesn't MySpace have their own Instant Messaging system? If chain letters were really prohibited what about all those bulletins I get telling me if I don't send this in 5 minutes I will [die, never fall in love, never have sex, etc]? I am reporting all you people!

involves commercial activities and/or sales without our prior written consent such as contests, sweepstakes, barter, advertising, or pyramid schemes

Well, at least Publishers Clearing House can't have a page on MySpace!

includes a photograph of another person that you have posted without that person's consent

And I had just positioned the horns just right on Cindy's picture. Damn it again!

My point is that they can kick you off at any time for any reason. My biggest complaint is that there is no system to arbitrate. I could have lived with my profile being frozen until both sides of the story were told.

But they didn't even contact me, instead they just deleted my profile.

I have since found out that it was because of my blog entries MySpace Drama! and MySpace Drama! - Part II. Apparently Cindy was able to convince someone down at MySpace that my blog was "cyber-bullying" her. That is a term used for people that are aggressively contacting someone or threatening them. My blog did neither of these things.

Now I'm going to admit that originally in the MySpace Drama blog I had included a link to send her MySpace email. But I did remove that after a couple of days. I figured she had suffered enough. After that there were no references to who she was or where she was located. Just her name, Cindy and here's something you didn't know. It's not pronounced the way it is spelled. The proper pronunciation is P-S-Y-C-H-O. It's just spelled "Cindy".

Now just how many of those are on MySpace?

But I digress, back to my whining which is already in progress.....

So with all those people sending her hate mail I know she was pissed, she told me so.

Gee that's a real shame. She was actually the one doing the cyber-bullying. She was tracking my comments and sending people that commented on my page emails begging them to delete me. I suppose she expected me to just sit back and be attacked.

All I did was defended myself against her actions by posting blogs that described what she was doing. Not once until this blog have I said anything derogatory about her personally. And I don't even know if P-S-Y-C-H-O is derogatory, actually it's more of a diagnosis.

What happens now? Well I'm taking that up with the good folks at MySpace. We'll see how her behavior can stand the light of day.

And all my material still exists. Even the stuff that got me in trouble with MySpace. I'm calling them "The Lost Blogs" and they will remain on my Internet web site. Far beyond the reach of MySpace censorship. There is a link to them at the bottom of this blog.

The other nice thing about this is that Cindy is really pissed I am back on MySpace. And the more successful I am, the angrier she will become.

What a shame.....

So have a great time on MySpace, I know I will.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

MySpace Drama! - Part II


Authors note: The name of the offending party has NOT been changed to protect the "guilty".

As many of you know I've been having a little MySpace drama for the past couple of weeks.

It continues but now it is over my blog "MySpace Drama". If you have not read it click the link below to do so.


Click here to view MySpace drama


That blog was very well received and the comments that were posted (which have since been removed) to it were overwhelming positive. This of course angered the person the blog was about.

I would also imagine she was pretty pissed that I had a link to send her mail on the blog and I'm pretty sure she got quite a bit. Now some of you are thinking "Why do that? I mean, isn't that just mean?" Well on the surface it would look that way. Like I am trying to bully her. The reality of the situation is completely different.

The reason I posted a link to her email is that she has been contacting people privately and trying to discourage them from supporting my comedic efforts. So I figure if she is going to do that it is only fair that she hear hear what people think of her actions.

Why would she do this you ask? I have to tell you at this point I am not sure and I am not even going to venture a guess. But just for the record here are a couple of the emails that have been forwarded to me.....

This was sent to a man in Albuquerque:

XXXX, you were right in your first assumption about Vilmos he is anything but a good human being he is manipulative and false. He made up a false identity to hurt me. just look what he did to that poor Mongo guy just because that poor man didn't want him as a friend he blogged him and put his profile out for the world to see and make fun of him. He and i dated for a while and I broke up with him recently because he had no time for me....he made up a false identity as a woman and put a comment on his page saying that they had plans on a trip...I wanted to know if maybe i should go to a doc to get checked out at the docs so i wrote this girl to see if they had been sleeping together and it was him....he is a sick individual and i would really like to get the word out that he is. Cindy

What she is referring to is a profile from my MySpace Experiment blog. If you would like to read it, click on the link below.

Click here to view the My MySpace Experiment blog


If you don't want to take the time here is a short synopsis. At the beginning of May I created 3 profiles in New York City. I used the same information in each blog. The only difference was the picture. One was a very pretty woman, one was real hunk of a guy and the last one was me. The point of the blog was to see who got the most attention. Of course, the girl won.

But when I discovered that Cindy was contacting people I wanted to know what she was saying. So I posted a comment from the girls profile asking if we were still on for our trip. Within an hour Cindy sent an email to this profile which not only included my personal email address, it also contained some personal emails I exchanged with her discussing my business finances.

So when I called her on it she of course did what many people caught doing something wrong do. She screamed like a banshee and escalated the entire situation. And about her Mongo comment if you need to read the Mongo blogs they are below.

Link to the Mongo Angry blog
Link to the Mongo Gone blog


And just for the record, here are her comments on the Mongo blog, she was real broke up about it.....

Looks like Mongo is getting some mail....I sent the address of your blog to him telling Him "hey your famous....check it out" I felt like this was the thing to do...lol. It was really nice of him to give you another topic for your halarious blogs...just thought he deserved some credit for it...lol

Here are her comments on the Mongo Gone blog.....

Your just too sentimental Vilmos...try to dry your tears.....qerryeywyesyhfdjtfygkgkll....see...now your choking me up...lol

You can see she was real worried back then when Mongo was receiving mail which commented on his behavior. In fact she sent mail to him, but she doesn't want to be held to the same standard. Funny how that works.

Here is another letter from one of my MySpace friends.

I got a message from Cindy, stating that you were "lieing" about her sending anything to anyone. She denies it all, but the way she spells lying makes me curious and the fact that she didn't request me as a friend until you two parted ways. I said I would accept her as a friend if she didn't want to talk about you. I'll bet she doesn't reply. Be careful with her, I've know a D.J. on the radio who had a stalker that just wouldn't leave him alone. To the point where he carried a gun for fear of what she might try to do. I'm not saying that Cindy would do that, but hell who knows. 75 days didn't show her true colors until you broke it off with her. Just be careful, OK? Your Non-obsessive friend, XXXXX

And here's another.....

hey bro.. when are you doing your next show? and hey I forgot to tell you..some crazy chick wrote me a message talkin shit about you..lol.. she was like.. you should delete him.. he's a liar and blah blah blah.. I said well him and I have helped each other a little and I am not goin gto delete him.. haha

There are more but as you can see she has been contacting people on my friends list. In fact I image that many of you that posted a comment were contacted in her attempt to make me look bad.

For the record that's OK with me. I can substantiate everything I have written, and she cannot. Plus if you notice I have not once called her a name. The only comments I have made have been about her behavior, which I think is deplorable.

So here is what has happened since I have posted the blog.

She has been complaining profusely to the folks at MySpace with a goal of getting my profile deleted.

She has also been threatening me through her friends. Here is an email I received just yesterday.

Well you had enough sense to pull your pointless and waste of space blog down last night. But you have posted it back up. Here is the deal Cindy has some dirt on you. I haven't seen yet...I wouldn't mind a good laugh (I need one). Either A. you take down the blog and she will call it truce with you and it will be the end of everything no more backstabbing BS. Or B. You can leave your petty immature "scripture" up there and not only will Cindy post your name and email such as you did in your blog. I have a Denver group with a little over 1500 people in. I will post your business (because you are a professional comic right) all over my group letting them know what an immature cry baby sally you are, oh and the funk that Cindy has on you as well....That will be some good reading there like a pack of wolves over there mmmmk so I really hope you pick B because that would be the smart thing to do. Oh one more thing buddy SHE DUMPED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! This will be your last warning MMMMMMMK :::::::HUGS::::::::

OK, it's not much of a threat. It looks like it was written by someone is high school doesn't it? But still, she's trying and that's a problem in itself.

So yesterday I received an email from Cindy that said she wanted to call a truce because I "bored her". Well that's fine with me except I can't really call a truce when I'm not attacking her. She has been the aggressor all along. I have merely brought her actions to light in an effort to have her stop what she was doing and make people aware that when they are contact by her she has an agenda.

Well, the truce lasted all of 20 or so hours. She has already posted a blog referencing her "truce" and asking her friends to comment on whether or not I should take down my blog about her.

So here's the deal, I will let you all make the decision for me. But before you do I would ask you to go back and take a look at the blog. You will see that I have taken out the link to her email, there is no reference to her profile, there is no picture of her and no way for a person to figure out who she is.

At this point the blog is my side of the story, something I am entitled to if she continues to contact the people on my friends list.

So I'd like to hear your opinion, should the blog stay or go. Please post what you think. If the comments are overwhelming to get rid of it, I will.

Only one comment per customer please.....

Sunday, June 11, 2006

The HOG Rally


So this weekend I was the entertainment for the Colorado State HOG Rally. HOG stands for Harley owners group.

I'd been looking forward to this event since they initially asked me to do it. If you've been reading my blog you'll know I like to ride and that I just got a new bike. I fact it still has the temporary tag on it. Just because I'm not paying the unbelievable license fee until I absolutely have to. In fact It runs out on June 20. You better believe I will be the last one in the license office that day.

So I'd been watching the weather carefully all week and was happy to see a clear weekend coming up. I even decided to come in a day early to take in some of the events. So instead of leaving on Saturday, I left on Friday.

I had the usual drama in the office before I left. I am the king of leaving after I want to. I always set my ABSOLUTE time a couple hours ahead of the real absolute time. That's just so I can hit the mark. Fridays ABSOLUTE time was 2:00 in the afternoon. I ended up leaving at 3:30. Of course I also had to make a stop in Canon City (which is actually on the way) to see one of my computer clients.

When I got there I discovered I had forgotten my leather jacket, so I had to go back. I am also the king of forgetting things. If it can be left behind I'll leave it. My rule is that if I have to add more than an hour to the trip or spend over $100 to replace it once I get there, I'm going back for it.

So once I really left at 4:30 it was with a big grin on my face that stayed there the entire ride. The drive to Glenwood Springs is 200 miles and goes over Independence Pass. Which I will tell you still has some snow on the road. Man it was cold!

But I made it in about 8:15. I am staying at the "Historic" Hotel Colorado. Now I didn't pick the hotel, it was provided by the people who hired me. That is customary. But since I came in a day early I did pay for my room the first night. At the desk when they told me the special "rally rate" was $116 a night the only thing in my mind was "Where exactly is the Motel Six?"

They must say "Historic" because it is as it was in the early 1900's. There is no air conditioning, 12 foot ceilings and you can see all the pipes running through the room. But they (the pipes) are painted! There is one small radiator in front of the window for heat in the winter. Oh boy!

But it meets my minimum standard; cable, Internet connection, a good shower and a comfortable bed. So once I settled in the next thing on my agenda was finding something to eat. Well the "Historic" Hotel Colorado is remodeling their dining room (and bar) so all dining is outside of in the hall ways. As I walked out of my room there was a nice family complete with a crying child outside my door eating. I closed the door and called Dominos.

An hour later I was fed and ready for Saturday's rally. Little did I know I was not prepared for what was about to happen.....

I wake in the morning to the sound of one bike after another passing by my window, that was great. The hotel has a coffee bar so I was on my way down to get a cup of coffee and what do I see? This big biker looking guy and his girlfriend/wife/squeeze walking together holding hands wearing matching outfits! What? Am I in some sort of Bizzaro biker universe? I've been riding since 1973 and back in the day I would have never see that. If that were to happen mercifully that man would have beaten until he understood what riding a Harley was all about.

When I get to the coffee bar I was in line behind another guy dressed the part; chaps, do rag, Harley shirt and boots. He was ordering a (say this in a gay voice) decaf sugar free vanilla latte with soy milk, a "sprinkle" of cinnamon at 128 degrees. All right, he didn't gay it in a gay way. I just heard it that way. At that point all I could do was run out of the shop, out of the hotel and into the street. Hoping that I would get run over by an old pan head to put me out of my misery.

Holy shit!

So I head down to where everything is happening and meet up with JD the event coordinator. He couldn't be a nicer guy. He's only a couple of years older that I am but had been riding since he was able to walk. Finally I am in the presence of someone that understands.

He showed me where I was performing and it is actually on an ice arena!. It is kind of indoors. If you can picture a a regular hockey rink with a car port over it, that's what this place looks like. It should be interesting.

So I've never been to a rally before and he shows me around and gets me signed up. Then asks me if I want to take a ride to the first stop on the poker run. We had a nice ride and when we got there had a nice breakfast and talked about life. My breakfast was eggs, refried beans, potatoes, salsa and a dirty beer. I've never had one of those before. It's a beer with tomato juice and horseradish in it. I'm not much of a drinker but the beer was pretty good.

My limit is only one so after that we headed back to the event and I started to do a little people watching. And you guys are really something.....

The events and people watching were fun but I had to go back to the hotel to get a little rest before the show at 6:00. I'm a lightweight so a beer and all that sun made me tired.

After a nice afternoon and a nap I made it back to the events center by 5:30 and I have to admit I should have seen it coming. There is an old saying in the comedy business "There is no funny when it's sunny".

There were between 400 - 500 people sitting in the middle of the ice arena at long tables. They were passing out the awards for the event but everyone was having trouble hearing the speaker because the sound system wasn't working very well.

During the awards ceremony the event coordinator (remember JD?) announced his retirement from the rally. So after the ceremony was over and they introduced me before I could get started someone walked up to the stage because they had something they wanted to say about JD. That happened 3 times.

So when I finally did start people got up and left. Now that is normal for an event like this. Some people just don't stay for the entertainment. They want to get going to eat, miss traffic or whatever. But as I continued the leaving did not stop. They looked like rats running out of a burning building. By the time I was done there were only about 40 people left and they were the ones that were there to break down the tables and chairs.

At this point you need to understand that I normally do not "walk people". Meaning they are so offended by what I am saying that they leave. In my 14 years of doing comedy I am only aware of walking fewer than 20 people. At this show nearly 500 people got up and left.

Let me say that show as one of the most difficult shows I have ever done. It's a good thing that I have my ego in check because that could have really hurt. But the truth is even as it was happening while I wasn't happy about it, I understood the dynamics of the situation. Plus I have faith in what I'm doing on stage. The material I was using has always worked, so I know it was not me. It was just the situation.

So after I finished the event staff (the only people left) explained......

Apparently this happens all the time. The people are tired, hot and just want to get a jump on getting home Sunday. They have had the same thing happen with band and other forms of entertainment in the past. They were hoping that they would stay for something different.

It would have been nice if you'd told me.

So I stayed to help break down the tables and chairs because I had nothing else to so. I was also invited to their finally dinner and had a great time with them.

On the way out JD told me that he told his wife that their circle of friends grew by one. But mine grew by more than that. I met some really nice people at that rally and they are people I'll be seeing again.

It's funny how something so good can come out of something so bad.

Friday, June 09, 2006

MySpace Drama!


Authors note: The name of the offending party has NOT been changed to protect the "guilty".

Ok, I have finally had some drama here on MySpace. I made the mistake of actually dating someone I met here.

Now normally just dating is not such a bad thing. But that is assuming you made a GOOD choice. We all know that bad choices breed bad consequences and it appears I made a very bad choice.

But in my own defense.....

I am not the guy that usually draws the attention of women and if you have read any of my blogs that should be pretty easy to figure out. By the way, have you seen my picture? I am not saying I am ugly, but I am not a "head turner" either and that is all right with me. At least I know my place.

So I have to admit that when a woman shows interest in me I am genuinely surprised. I always think, "Was this woman really paying attention? Maybe she has a problem with her eyesight. What is wrong with her that she is interested in me?" So needless to say I feel obligated to at least look into the possibility that has presented itself.

I know most of you are thinking, "What is wrong with you?" Yes I know this is not always a good idea, but it is not like I have a lot of experience. I have been the third wheel all my life. Even in high school I was always the wallflower. I was ALWAYS the guy without a date. When I was in high school if there was special event coming up like a dance or a holiday, if I was lucky enough to be dating someone I could expect to be dumped. I have always been the guy that went out and bought a gift knowing I probably would not make it with the girl to the date I was supposed to give it. I have thrown away a lot of Christmas gifts in my lifetime.

So now do you see why I have to try?

So I was minding my own business on MySpace when I met Cindy in the beginning of March. Now you should also know my total time with her lasted until the middle of May. That is roughly 75 days, which I am realizing is an eternity in the wonderful world of the Internet.

I even managed to be in the same room with her maybe 20 times.

I will also tell you that I thought Cindy was a pretty nice girl. Unfortunately she has been treated pretty badly in the past and in my opinion for no good reason. She has even said so on her page. Below is her "Who I'd Like to Meet". I might add that this is what was on there when I met her.

Why is it we choose people who potentially break our hearts and TRY to break our spirit? It is my wish to someday meet a man that will except me for what and who I am and recognize the unconditional love that I have to give and return it the same. Trust and honesty are very important to me. To have someone that will trust me enough to know that I love them enough to forgive anything that is told from the heart. And to trust the same from them. I have been married twice myself and in one very serious relationship. And all of these Men just stopped loving me. How does that Happen? Maybe I was too good or too understanding or not controlling enough ... I guess some people need to be treated like crap to feel loved. I will never understand that. I have been told by a lot of my friends that I expect to much out of people to be and think like I do. I Keep the dream that there is someone somewhere that can love unconditionally and trust and be trustworthy. She is perfectly willing to put everything she has into a relationship. She is honest, trustworthy and faithful; everything that any guy (and that includes me) would be looking for in a woman.

But sometimes life can even get in the way of the good things and that is what happened between Cindy and I. My life began to get a little weird and because of that I told her I couldn't see her anymore. I just did not have the emotional energy or the time.

It seemed like she was disappointed but OK with that. She even sent me a nice email.

I understand completely ... And I am sorry for your troubles. But we can still be friends can't we? I mean there are no bad feelings. And quite honestly we had a lot of differences. But the one thing we had in common is that we had fun together and i do very much like your company. I would really hate to loose that. I hope this is not goodbye. Cindy

At that point there were no hard feelings and it was not goodbye. I thought maybe in the future when things got a little more stable in my life I would be able to connect with her again. Not romantically, but I felt she was a good person and I thought it would be fun to hang out with her.

That was when all the weirdness started.

Cindy started to contact people on my friends list. I found out that she had been keeping track of the people (especially the women) that were posting comments on my page and my blogs.

I was told that she was sending these girls emails that we had exchanged to "prove" to them that we had seen each other. It was some sort of weird form of cock blocking. I guess she figured that I was treating her like all the rest of the men she had been involved with before. That I too had cheated on her, but I actually had not and there are several reasons why.

1) I barely have the strength for one woman, much less 2 or more. I have so much to do that I do not know how I would find the time. Even the email that I get from MySpace takes a lot of time to answer. When you add in travel (for comedy), my business and kids there is just not enough time in a day and something needs to give. This time that something was Cindy, I put an end to things because I didn’t have the emotional energy or time to put into a relationship and I did not think it was fair to her.

2) I just do not get many opportunities with women, even when I try. It's not like they are beating down my door. If they were I do not know what I would do. Here is a little known fact about me. I have never had a one-night stand. It is not because I have not tried, I have. But the truth is I have no game. I just have never seemed to be able to tell a girl the things she wants to hear at the right time. The sad fact is that there has never been enough alcohol at a bar to make me look good enough to take home.

3) I have a thing about monogamy. I have been cheated on before and I am just not willing to do it to someone else. I think it is the absolutely worst thing you can possibly do to another human being. It demeans them and makes them feel like they are not worth a whole lot. I would not do that to my worst enemy.

Finally, this is going to sound like I'm splitting hairs but even if I did see someone else (which never happened) we were just dating; I had made no commitment to her, it was 75 days! We had not even talked about being exclusive. I know some of you girls are thinking "That is bullshit!" I suppose I can do nothing to change what you are thinking but I will tell you that in my mind that unless we actually state to each other that we are in a committed exclusive relationship that if I want to talk to (or even see) other women I am not doing anything wrong. I'm not talking about sleeping with women either, just exchanging email or talking to someone on the phone. To me that is like having an imaginary girlfriend. Without physical contact there can be no commitment. Wouldn't you say to be in a REAL relationship with someone you have to at least know their address?

So naturally I was offended, concerned and confused by what I was hearing. So I decided to find out what was happening for myself. So remember my MySpace experiment? If not click here to read it before you go further. I decided to post a comment from Jane (the pretty woman in the experiment) to see what would happen.

Within an hour of posting the comment Jane got this message.

From: Cindy
Subject: Dear Jane
My name is Cindy and I have been dateing Vilmos for the past 3 months...we broke up recently amicably but I was just wondering for my own health reasons if he has slept with you in that time frame. Because we didn't use protection. I have enclosed the last email....of us breaking up so that you will know I am not lieing to you.

Cindy,

Also included with this email were 3 emails that I had exchanged with Cindy. These emails included my personal email address. They also discussed some very personal things in my life, things that I would not share with just anyone. I had felt comfortable sharing them with Cindy. And it wasn't sexual stuff; I do not even care about that. I would even post a synopsis every time I have sex on my page if I thought any cared. But these are things that are personal to MY life and not for public knowledge under any circumstances. And she feels that it is appropriate to send these things to someone she doesn't even know?

Holy shit!

I seriously doubt she was worried about her health. If that was the case she would have run out to the doctor and gotten tested. That is what any NORMAL person would do.

But you see my friends, I have come to the realization that she has decided that I will not see her I will not see anyone else either. Could this be about revenge?

So I've been watching over the past couple of weeks as she has been communicating with people on my friends list. Fortunately for me some of them are forwarding them to me and I can see she is telling them things that just aren't true. And here's the funny part, she just wrote a blog on lying!

So apparently Cindy is on a little fishing trip, trying to find all the other women that I was sleeping with while I was seeing her.

I really hate to disappoint anyone (especially Cindy) and I hate to admit this in public but there is no one else to find. But there is no talking to her and no convincing her. So I think she should get what she wants, validation.

So I am begging anyone that I have slept with to please send Cindy an email message telling her the date, time, location and a description of what we did. You could make it like the game Clue! I did it with Vilmos in the.....

Remember, we are talking about just those women I have slept with since March 1st, 2006 and please do not forget to tell her about any diseases you may have. A link to her email is below.

I originally had it in here but have since removed it.

But if you want to send me some good stories.....

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The Dirty Survey


Some of the bulletins that come through are just making me crazy. Why anyone would fill one of these out and post it to a bunch of people they know is beyond me.

So it looks like it's time to give another one the attention it deserves.....


Dirty Survey


Answer this for the person who posted this and then re post it for yourself!

My answer: So you sent this bulletin out to all the people on your friends list just to see who was interested in fucking you and how they would like to do it.

How many of your family/children are on your friends list? Do you really want to get an answer from any of them? If so you'd either better be living in Arkansas or planning on moving there soon.


1. Would you have sex with me?

My answer: Only if you beg me and even then you will have to buy me dinner first. I have more important things to do that screw you. After all, I'm on MySpace!

2. What positions would u want to be in?

My answer: You sure do know how to ask a proper question. Can't you use the entire word you instead of the abbreviation u. If this is the way you write I can't see where position would even be important to you. I'm sure as long as I hit a hole you'll be happy.

3. Would u give me oral pleasure?

My answer: Only if I feel like it and you have washed up before we started. But since you are asking me I assure you that I will be receiving oral sex.

4. Would you have hard pounding sex, make love, or mix it up?

My answer: Take your pick, I don't care; I'm just here to get my rocks off.

5. Would you have sex with me on the first night we met?

My answer: I've probably already jerked off with a picture of you in my head. Having sex the first time we meet is just continuing my relationship with you.

6. Would you give me a naked pic?

My answer: No, but you will need to send me a few before I meet you. See question number 5.

7. Would you do me in a hot steamy shower?

My answer: Sure, right after your golden shower. You'll need to wash off.

8.Would you let me handcuff you or tie you up to the bed?

My answer: No, but I'll try to make you comfortable when I do it to you.

9. Would you join me in a 3-some?

My answer: That's all you are bringing? I'm just a little offended. Maybe you'd better try harder.

10. What is it about me that makes you want to have sex with me?

My answer: Didn't you send this survey to me?

11. Would you talk dirty to me while we had sex?

My answer: Of course, its a requirement. And you'd better talk dirty to me. I've heard almost everything so make it original!

12. Where would you like to be when we have sex?

My answer: In front of you if you are on your knees or behind you if you are bent over the bed.

13. Would you have sex with me in front of other people?

My answer: I don't care who watches. Maybe they'll learn something. I know you will.

14. Would you have multiple sex sessions with me in the same night?

My answer: You better not get ahead of yourself; you have to make it through the first one. Remember to drink a lot of water. You'll want to be hydrated.

15. Would you have sex with me in the rain, bending me over the hood of a car?

My answer: Bent over the hood of the car? Why would I want to repeat my standard greeting?

16. Would you mind if we got nasty and dirty like in a porno?
 
My answer: It's more porno is a lot like what I do.

17. Would you have phone sex with me?
 
My answer: Only if you are using the receiver as a butt plug.

18. Would you ever cheat on me?

My answer: From the sounds of this questionnaire I'm just a hook up anyway. Let's not call it cheating we'll just call it "practice".

19. If I gave you a piece of my heart would you love it or let it go?

My answer: The only thing I want from you is a piece of ass.

20. Would you have sex with me once and then leave me the next day?

My answer: It depends on how good you are. If you don't make the cut I'll be gone before you've had a chance to clean up.

21. Are u gonna re-post this to see if and how I want to have sex with you?

My answer: I doubt I'll need to after you read this.