Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Two a Days

Damn I'm fat!

And I say that as I eat my lunch of a big slice of cheese pizza which I am washing down with a big bowl of corn chowder. Breakfast this morning was a chocolate brownie and some sort of pecan pastry. Some much for healthy eating.

I've been battling with my weight and self image most of my life and I'm afraid that now I have the trifecta going. Balding, fat and old.

I can't do anything about balding and being old so I decided to work on the fat part. I have to tell you it is not going well. I've ballooned up to 235 lbs (at least that's what the scale groaned out the last time I stepped on it) and that frightens me.

All my life I've thought I was heavy and the truth is I probably didn't really get that way until I was 21. By 1995 I weighted nearly 275 lbs and I was not a pretty sight. There were some real life altering things that happened that year but one of them was watching my dad go though bypass surgery. I did not want that to happen to me so I decided to do something about my weight.

Through diet and exercise I had gotten my weight down to 225 by the middle of 1996, just in time for my marriage to crumble adding more stress to my life which I didn't need. Some people reach for a bottle of beer when they get stressed. Not me, I reach for a cheeseburger.

By November of 2002 when I ran the Tulsa Marathon I weighted 197 lbs. Even so, I have managed to gain 40 lbs over the past 4 years. Did I mention I am a vegetarian and I run between 20 - 40 miles a week? I bet you thought all vegetarians were skinny.

I guess not.....

So after the big scare on the scale this week I have decided to ramp it up. I'm running 8 miles a day now; 4 in the morning and 4 in the afternoon. I've changed my diet and am eating a lot of fruit and cutting down what I eat in the evening.

I have to say I resent doing it. I don't like having these kinds of limits in my life. I'm tried of diets and exercise. I can't wait until I'm 70. That's when I'm giving up on all the healthy crap.

I figure when I'm 70 I'll be on the downhill slide anyway so why worry about things. Have a good time! That will be my motto.

I'm going to do all the things I don't do now. I'm going to start eating meat again and I don't care how loud my colon screams. Pizza, pies, brownies and cakes? No problem, there will be enough room for everything. Soda, coffee, beer? I don't care, mix them all together. I'll drink it!

I'm pretty sure I will have a pretty good drug habit going as well. I'm thinking coke or meth. I never did them before because I heard they made you impotent but at 70 what's the difference? I'll probably be impotent anyway. So if I'm going to take a pill it's not going to be a blue one that's gives me some pleasure (if I can find a women to be with) for a couple hours. I'll be doing drugs that allow me to sit in front of the television for days.

An exercise? Forget that! I plan on never doing anything that even remotely looks or seems like exercise .I'm getting a wheelchair with a colostomy bag holder. I don't want to get out of that thing for any reason. It will be a little difficult sleeping sitting up but maybe by then they will make one that reclines.

I might even take up smoking. Not because I like it, just because it's something that's bad for you.

That right, I'm a rebel.....

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