Thursday, August 31, 2006

August 31

Note: There will not be any humor in this blog entry. This one is about my life. When I started writing this blog my plan was to write about a comics life and what was goes on in it. I never planned on making each one funny. I always saw this blog as a way to give the readers a window into my world. So this blog may not be what you would normally expect, but I hope you enjoy it just the same. I'd like to thank all of you who read it.

So I was writing the blog "1983" and while I was adding up the cost of my trip and it came to $831.00. Since I was playing with numbers in that blog it caused me to think about the date August 31. It is the day that I married the mother of my children and it is the birthday of a woman that made a big difference in my life at a time when it meant the most.

The women would be Kathy and Sonya. Here is a little something about how they affected my life.


I met Kathy in 1983. At the time we were both working at a bank in Antioch Illinois. She was in the bookkeeping department and I was a loan officer in the Installment Loan department.

Kathy was married at the time and I was a single guy keeping my options open. I was in the middle of a divorce and not really looking for anything permanent or long lasting. I thought she was nice enough but I have a strict "no cheating rule" so I never put a lot of effort into thinking about her.

One thing led to another and I really did start to like Kathy and I always thought she liked me. What I didn't know was that she was having trouble in her marriage. When she separated from her husband we started dating.

And as they say the rest is history....

I will admit I will always be grateful to Kathy. If not for her I would not be the father of 3 of the most wonderful human beings on the planet. I never wanted children until I met her. There was just something about her that changed my mind and to this day I don't know what it was. I am just happy it happened.

She also was the one that gave me the courage to tell my parents I loved them. Now I know that may sound stupid but up until I was somewhere around 30 I had never told my parents I loved them.

I was pretty close to my mom but my relationship with my dad was distant. My dad is a doctor and spent a lot of time away from the house. When he was home he had a lot to do. Also we have some pretty big cultural differences. He born in 1915 in Hungary and lived his life there until the end of World War II. Being from Hungary he didn't get TV, football, basketball, or baseball. I didn't care about soccer, reading or swimming which were the things he was interested in. Add to that a huge age difference (I was born when he was 42) and you get distance..

Now I'm not saying he didn't love me. We just didn't do much together. He always provided for his family. He always took care of us when we were sick. He didn't drink or treat us badly. He worried about us and I know he loved us. He just wasn't the kind of guy that would express it.

Kathy is from a larger family than I am and they are very good at expressing their love for each other. It felt good to be a part of that. I wanted that with my parents to.

I'll admit that it actually took some courage to tell my parents I loved them and I have no idea why. But when I finally did it felt great. Since then we've been able to freely express our feelings with each other. It's really made a difference in my relationship with my parents.

Unfortunately my relationship with Kathy did not turn out as well. We separated in 1995 and were divorced shortly thereafter.


I met Sonya on October 17, 1995. I was working as an opener at Laffs Comedy Cafe' in Albuquerque. She was working as a waitress at the club. There is a pretty firm rule in the comedy business; "don't fuck the wait staff".

I had never violated the rule but always hung out with the wait staff, just in a friendly way. On a whim I asked Sonya out to lunch. Not because I intended to sleep with her, just because I wanted to go out to lunch with pretty girl.

Well Sonya and I hit it off and not only did I end up violating the rule, my relationship with her turned out to be one of the most important I had ever had.

When I met Sonya I was probably at the lowest point of my life. My marriage was ending and I felt I had lost everything. I considered Kathy my best friend. So in addition to losing my best friend and love of my life. I wasn't seeing my kids as much, I felt I had also lost my children. I had lost MY family.

I felt that I was unlovable and worthless. To be real honest with you I did not feel like living anymore. I came very close to taking my own life, I had even picked a date and a time. But (as you already know) I didn't go through with it. The truth is if it wasn't for my kids I would have probably done it, but I decided that I did not want them to live the rest of their lives with the stigma of a father that committed suicide.

So once I chose to live I still had to choose to recover and heal. Sonya was a big part of that. I fell in love with her and she loved me back. She nurtured my soul and made me feel lovable again. She was a confident woman and she taught me to be confident again. She let me know I was lovable.

She is also the one that got me interested in reading. She used to give me books she thought I would like to read. I enjoyed them all and have continued to read ever since. Reading also gave me the interest in writing, which has led to this blog.

Unfortunately things didn't work out with Sonya either. It was a long distance relationship and the truth is we weren't entirely compatible. We had some differences that in the long term would have become a problem.

She also had a male roommate and I knew all along that he was in love with her. I felt that she had an attraction to him as well. She was in denial about it but once I bowed out of my relationship with her they ended up engaged and married.

Even though I knew that was the way it was supposed to be when it happened it still broke my heart.

I continued to love her even after that. I compared everyone I met to her and no one made the cut. I continued to do that until the beginning of this year.

It was then that fate interceded. I found out that Sonya was separated from her husband and getting a divorce. It gave me the opportunity to contact her and that contact enabled me to clear some things up.

I felt like I finally was able to move on and enter into a relationship with someone without comparing them to her. And luckily for me I have met a very nice woman and I am now in a really great relationship.

So there you have it, 2 women, one day.

It is funny what a difference a day can make.

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