Saturday, July 15, 2006

Sweet Feathery Jesus

"Sweet Feathery Jesus" ... was one of Phil Hendrie's favorite lines and I'm using it because the Phil Hendrie show is no more.

The show ended June 26 and I am officially in a state of mourning.....

No one ever has or ever will do a radio show like Phil's. He truly belongs in the radio Hall of Fame.

For those of you that never heard Phil's show I will take a minute to describe it to you. It was a talk radio show. Every night for three hours he did a show with the most freakish guests.

Here are a few of my favorites.

Ted Bell
Owner of Ted's of Beverly Hills he is as pompous as they come. Just about every point he makes when on the show is preceded by the phrase "I'm Ted Bell". Here is a Ted Bell quote:

"I'm Ted Bell, I make rules, I don't follow rules"

At the beginning of every segment Ted demanded that the Jingle for his restaurant be played. You can listen to it here.

Ted's of Beverly Hills jingle

Steve Bosell
Steve is a building contractor from Corona California. He filed law suits against hundreds of people. This generally happened after he had been embarrassed in some way. He has even sued his wife and children.

After being startled by fireworks to the point of crapping in his pants below is a quote of Steve explaining who he was going to sue and why:

"Well, right now I'm suing Blast-Off Entertainment, they're the ones that provided the fireworks, and Corona Community College. Also directors Oliver Stone and Steven Spielburg. Also, my attorney is planning on suing the Hanes Corporation. I lost control of my bowels and the Hanes underwear I was wearing failed to keep it in. I'm also considering a lawsuit against the Del Taco Corporation for serving me food that came out as diarrhea, otherwise if it came out better, then the Hanes could've kept it in. Also, the Corona Community College Parking Administration. We had to walk a quarter of a mile away from the grandstand area, so as we walked back, there was a diarrhea trail leading behind me and little kids laughed at me. Also, my wife; I was very distressed and needed a hug. She wasn't supportive of me..."

RC Collins
A cadet at the Bradley Military Academy RC believes that military academies are a branch of the service and equal to the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines. Here is a RC Collins quote:

"We're ooh-rah. We're ready to fight and die for this country. But first, we want to smoke dope and shoot heroin."

Doug Dannger
Doug is a journalist from Orange County California. He came on the show to speak on a variety of topics. Mostly related to entertainment and politics. He was always right because he was "a gay man and a gay journalist". He claimed that gave him "homo-eye".

Here is a quote from Doug Dannger:

"I frolicked out of the closet and found my Gay Eye"

He had many other regular guests, Bobby Dooley the president of Western Estates home owners association; Lloyd Bonified a Korean war veteran; Vernon Dozier a high school teacher and football coach; Father James McQuarter an Irish Catholic priest; and the list goes on.

But here's the best part.

He was all of them. He was the host and the guest and no one knew. Of course those of us that listened to the show on a regular basis did, but none of the callers he infuriated each and every night had a clue.

All the shows would start out the same way. Phil talking to a guest about a seemingly good idea. Like after 911 when he had Vernon Dozier on explaining he had a training program for the mentally challenged. He wanted to put them to work as screeners at the airport.

He was training them to scan for bombs on a conveyor belt. He even brought Bobby who only said "Hi" and I'm Bobby" to demonstrate. All Bobby had to do is say "Plane go Boom" when he saw a bomb.

If he got it right he got a piece of cheese. When Bobby got it wrong Vernon used what he called "aversion" therapy and electronically shocked Bobby so he would know he was wrong.

The callers would line up to express their outrage (as Phil did) only to have Vernon tell them it was better than having them "frightening innocent children if they worked at McDonalds".

He did it all live and unscripted every night for over 10 years.

Phil retired from radio because he wanted to pursue an acting career. He was on the NBC show "Teachers" this past fall. I can't blame him for wanting to move on, but it's awfully hard on us fans.

He has an extensive archive of his shows online at his website There is a small monthly charge for it, but he allows all his shows to be downloaded. I suggest you go there a spend the money so you can experience what he did.

Because no one will ever do it again.

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