Sunday, July 30, 2006

Man Are Happier Than Women - The Remix

As I have said before I cannot believe the number of bulletins that get sent out with seemingly useless information. So I figure, why can't I add a little something? So from time to time I will answer these bulletins MY way and we'll just call them a "Remix".

Men Are Just Happier People -- The Remix

What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Simple? Then why are you always saying you don't understand us? If we are so simple then it should be very easy for you to understand us. And if you understood us we could be doing so much better in the couples department. Plus there would be no need to explain "Strip Club" night.

Your last name stays put.
That's not necessarily a good thing. There are few times in my life I would have liked have changed my last name. Mostly after an evening that involved wayyyy too much alcohol.

The garage is all yours.
Really? The why do you keep wanting to put your car in there? And what about all that junk of yours I have to store in it? Like the rocks you brought back from the lake in 1992.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Not the last time I checked. The reason we say "I don't care" is because we do not want to get into a 3 way grudge match with you and your mother over the color of the invitations.

Chocolate is just another snack.
For us it is a key to the promised land.

You can be President.
That's true, but you can be President with impunity. Who do you think was actually running the country when Bill Clinton was in office. A title does not a president make.

You can never be pregnant.
Why would we want to be? It looks very uncomfortable.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
So can you. That is actually the way we prefer you dress.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Did you read the above answer?

Car mechanics tell you the truth.
I seriously doubt that car mechanics tell anyone the truth.

The world is your urinal.
Ok, I'll give you this one. But only after I've been drinking.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
Who do you think made it "icky".

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
This is correct. We put our thought into "screwing".

Same work, more pay.
Not for stripping and hooking.

Wrinkles add character.
Not to your penis.

Wedding dress $5000, tux rental $100
That's only because you don't hold out for better price. Plus we don't want to keep ours only to be depressed 10 years later when we can't fit into it anymore.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
I wish they would, I'm getting tired of them staring at my crotch.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
So are vaginal "farts".

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
That's because we buy them for fit and not looks.

One mood all the time.
Yes, hungry.....

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Less than that if the answer to "Are we having sex tonight" is yes.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase and most of the time just a carry on.
You need a change of clothes in 5 days?

You can open all your own jars.
Yes we can. But opening up some other things takes a lot more effort.

You almost never have strap problems in public.
No, be we have a lot of "adjusting" that needs to be done.

No wonder men are happier.
The happy men are the ones that know their women are in charge and accept it.

Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading.
Send this to a woman you know that will hate it so she just one more thing to be hormonal about.....

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