Just for the record, here is the Merriam-Webster Online definition of Enigma:
1: an obscure speech or writing
2: something hard to understand or explain
3: an inscrutable or mysterious person
synonym see MYSTERY
I would be numbers 2 and 3. And just for the record inscrutable means "not readily investigated, interpreted, or understood".
Number one would be reserved for my act and these blogs.
So why am I an enigma in size tens? It seems my life is full of
contradictions. I touched on one of them in one of my last blogs and it
got me to thinking about all the things I do that just don't seem to
After you read this you'll probably think I'm some sort of nut! But I
suppose that's a good thing. Everyone seems to like a quirky comic.
So here's a short list of the things about me that contradict themselves.....
I'm a vegetarian that doesn't like vegetables
That's right, you will never see me ordering a salad at a restaurant. If
I do, I do so against my will and after I have exhausted every other
I don't care for most vegetables either. It doesn't matter if you steam,
boil, bake, broil, sautÃ© or give them to me raw, I'm not crazy about
eating them. There is no vegetable that I will go out of my way to eat
and I feel the same way about fruit.
Here's something else, I still LOVE the smell of meat cooking. There's
nothing better than driving by a steak house or a fried chicken place.
I'm a runner that is over 200 pounds
I'm a little big to be as serious a runner as I am.
And let's get this right, it's not really running, or jogging. It's more
like a fast shuffling. Sometimes I even have a hard time catching up to
people power walking.
Right now I am somewhere around 220 pounds. Even the scale screams "Holy
Shit" when I get on it. When I started running I weighed nearly 275
pounds. I run between 3 and 5 miles a day, 5 - 6 times a week. Then on
the weekends I will run a long one, anywhere from 8 - 12 miles. My usual
weekly mileage is somewhere between 25 and 35 miles. Even with all that
exercise I can still gain 5 pounds a week without even trying.
It must be all the Hershey bars.
I'm a musician that doesn't listen to music
I've been playing music since I was 7 years old and can play several
different instruments. My very first instrument was the flute. I ditched
that for the other end of the orchestra (the tuba) when I figured out
in middle school I was the only boy play up front. If I'd have known
The instrument of choice since I've been an adult has been the drums. I
figure if I'm going to play in front of people I would rather be
anti-social and hide behind something. A nice large drum set will do
that very well.
But you won't hear me listening to music in the car when I drive or
while I'm working, I find it distracting. Now I do like to listen to
music live, but that's only because I can watch the musicians playing.
I'm a (supposed) computer expert that has never really like them.
And let's not put too much into the word "expert". That's what people call me, I do not consider myself one.
I'm just a guy that understands how they work but is not necessarily
thrilled with them. I would be like an auto mechanic that rides a bike
to work because he doesn't really like cars.
I'm in the Internet business and I hate the Internet.
Nothing like biting the hand that feeds you. I think the Internet is a boil on the ass of society.
It brings out the best in people but it has a greater tendency to bring
out the worst. For every site on the Internet that discusses a cure for
cancer there are 10 that tell you which breed of dog is the best to
I own over 6,000 videos and never watch them.
In addition to being in the computer business I also own a video store. I
have more movies than anyone I know but I don't watch them. Aside from
no time I really don't have the desire. If all my customers had my
desire I would be out of business.
There are many more quirky things but I suppose I'd better save something for later.
After all, I'm a very private person.....