Tuesday, May 30, 2006

My Myspace Experiment

Note: This blog contains foul language (and ideas)

Here is information everyone already knows. Women have an easier time meeting people on MySpace than men do. And I know I am going to get email from some of you girls saying how difficult it is for you.

I feel so bad.....

See the pictures on the left? The top one is me and the other 2 are pictures I pulled off the Internet. I was just looking for a decent looking man and women.

I used these photos to set up 3 profiles in Manhattan New York on May 8 and they remained active until May 28. That's 20 days. Now before any of you get all worked up, I was not trying to fool anyone. I did not make contact with any one and answered no emails received. I just wanted to see who got the most attention.

All 3 had the same information and below is what I put in all 3 profiles:

About me

Hello everyone. I have just been divorced. I have been through a lot over the past year and a half and now. I am definitely ready to have some fun. I like almost everything and will try anything once.

Who I'd Like to Meet

Anyone that wants to meet me, guys or girls. It does not matter. I just want try new things!


My Details

Age: 37
Status: Single
Here for: Dating, Serious Relationships, Friends
Orientation: Bi
Zodiac sign: Capricorn
Smoke/Drink: No/No

So here are the results:

Number of views
Jane: 896
John: 64
Me: 11

Emails received
Jane: 90
John: 6
Me: 3

Friends added
Jane: 26
John: 9
Me: 2

What a surprise! Jane got the most attention. Even a good looking guy with the washboard abs that you girls seem to like got very little attention. Why you ask? It's because you girls don't need to go out and look. Men will always come to you, I bet most of you don't even have the time to look around. And why bother? You have an unlimited supply of men knocking at your door.

Just like in real life. To bad it may not be the one you really want, life sure can be cruel!

Welcome to our world.

So now we will talk about my results. Eleven views in 20 days, which is roughly one every 2 days. How lucky am I? And my 2 friends, you want to know who they are? One is Tom and the other is a free web cam whore that was just sending out requests. She did not even send me mail, but she does put out a bulletin a day telling me she is bored and I should come watch her be bored. That sounds so inviting!

And my email, it's one band request, 2 emails from women using broken English telling me how they are looking for a "long term relationship" and one email from a casino. Now that is interest! I am a stud!

My buddy John didn't do much better.

His friends list consists of Tom, 3 very gay men and 4 women that are promoting the pictures on their pay site. Each one of the women post a bulletin every day to let everyone know they have "new pics"!

Then there is the mail John got. One piece of casino SPAM, 3 messages from gay guys (2 from one guy) wanting to hook up, one from as women that wanted to paint on him (body art) and only one that I thought was a legitimate piece mail. It was from an average looking girl that wanted to see more pics. She wasn't even interested in meeting him.

So now we will get to Jane's profile.....

896 views! That's 44 views a day! She has 26 friends, 25 if you do not count Tom. All of them are men with the exception of 1 band. Every single one of them is a REAL person.

And the mail was great. Here is a little for your edification. OK, probably just the guys because I know you girls are all getting this on a regular basis.

Like Leonardo, a guy that would never have a chance with this email.

Date: May 12, 2006 6:03 PM

Subject: No Subject

Hi Jane,thank you for accaepting my add.I would like to get to know you better.Let me know if you do too.

What the hell is he thinking? Way too simple and poor spelling.

Then Paul thought this would work.

Date: May 12, 2006 8:22 PM

Subject: Hi

Hi Jane, me tarzan
i am interested in meeting u
want to chat with me ?

Yes, this is the way to do it. Something real original!

This is Hogan's attempt

Date: May 13, 2006 9:34 AM

Subject: Hello Angel

Hello ..how are you?? My name is XXXXX,I just register into this dating site last week after my horrible past years.I have been married twice.my first wife died of lung cancer and i divorced my second wife when I caught her on bed with my best friend making love.I have been heart broken several times and i need a very mature,decent and faithful woman in my life.I am not after a facial beauty but am after the beauty of the heart.I was paused when I search and get to your profile,you look so cute,mature,responsible in apperance and i will like to know you more because something in me is already telling me that you can be my soulmate. Even though we are distance apart but I can easily fly to meet you wherever you are. I dont believe that distance and age can be a barrier to relationship. I am a young gentle Man of 49 years old,from Los Angeles,USA.I am an importer of oil and Gas.I am faithful in love,am caring.I can't promise you that dark clouds will never hover over our lives or that the future will bring us many rainbows. I can't promise you that tomorrow will be perfect or that life will be easy. I can promise you my everlasting devotion, my loyalty,my respect,and my unconditionallove for a lifetime. this is my yahoo messenger address.pls add me to your yahoo messenger. XXXXXXX@yahoo.com, i will love to chat with you soon LaDY.

I got to give him credit because for someone new to this he has managed to get everything into one letter. Having one wife die and the other cheat on him? Now if only he could have had a third that turned out to be a Lesbian he could have covered every possible way to be crapped on. Then he brings up soul mate and tells her that looks aren't important to show he can connect on an intellectual level, he is not interested in sex. Of course he ends by letting you know he has a lot of money and is perfectly willing to fly out to meet just to hold your hand.

And you can expect his everlasting devotion, loyalty, respect, and unconditional love for a lifetime; as long as you contact him on Yahoo messenger.

Now this guy tried the direct approach.

Date: May 27, 2006 1:41 PM

Subject: No Subject

hey baby do you mind sucking my dick

This must work all the time. I am surprised he has time to write. Maybe he is writing while the last girl that said he sent this to is below his desk sucking his dick.

This is the only one I got from a woman.

Date: May 27, 2006 6:09 PM

Subject: Dear Jane

My name is XXXXX and I have been dateing XXXXXX for the past 3 months...we broke up recently amicably but I was just wondering for my own health reasons if he has slept with you in that time frame. Because we didn't use protection. I have enclosed the last email....of us breaking up so that you will know I am not lieing to you.

Aside from the fact that the email had a little too much information, Jane would not be sleeping around. She is not even real! It just goes to show the extent to which a jealous ex will go to cock block.

After reading these emails I now understand why we men have such an uphill climb here on MySpace. The men (and one women) that wrote these emails are idiots.

So after this experience I have come up with the following letter to send to women I am interested in. It is a special MySpace letter, something they will be used to. And I bet it will work.....


Subject: Hey you sexy piece of ass!


I could not help but stop and notice your profile. You have nice tits and what an ass! I would really like to skull fuck you right before I get a shot at your balloon knot.

But enough about what I will do to you, I am sure you have been told all that before.

Let me tell you about myself.....

I am just the man for you. I own my own business and I do not want to drop a name but it is a very well known tech company. You've probably heard of it.


I do not want my wealth to intimidate you. Just because I have my own private jet and a home in Aspen doesn't mean I am not looking for a bright, honest and intelligent woman to be my soul mate.

The truth is I am just a regular guy that is looking for a regular girl.


You could just meet me and suck my dick.

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