know that "Puta" is Mexican slang for whore. I was going for the
stupid white guy joke. And for the record I knew what "Puta" meant long
before some of you were born.
That's because I'm an old guy.....
I'm going to tell you a little story about my past. That will explain
why I know what "Puta" is. And because I have to make everything into a
story it's going to take me a while to get there, so bare with me.
really good comics are very well read individuals. They are very
bright and know a lot about what is going on in our society. They have a
natural curiosity when it comes to the things they do not know about.
Unfortunately I am none of these things. I am not well read and I could care less about what is happening outside of MY
world. I don't read the paper and I generally have no idea of what is
going on. If someone ever launches missiles at us everyone else will be
in a bunker and I'll be out driving around thinking "Man the traffic is light today".
only thing I have over most of my fellow comedians is that I have had
more jobs than most of them. My life experience is very diverse.
And it was at one of my old jobs is where I learned Mexican slang.
was 1976 and up to this time I had been a paper boy, concession stand
clerk, janitor, dishwasher, cook, fork lift operator, magazine salesman
and worked at a submarine sandwich shop. I was barely 19.
was working 2nd shift in the factory that made hydraulic tubes and
fittings for big equipment. The dirtiest job in the place was washing
all the parts. It was because they had to be washed in acid baths and
rinsed of. It was hot, humid and grimy work.
work fell upon a group of Mexican guys that barely spoke English. And
they hated every white guy in the place except me.
never really understood why but these guys invited me into their group.
The leader (if there was one) of this group was this really old
Mexican guy named Emil. Now Emil didn't have but 3 or 4 teeth and was
well into his 60's. He also spoke no English. So I would yell "Hey Emil" and his response would always be "aaayyyyyyyyyeeeeee".
every day Emil's and some of the other guy's wives would make a great
Mexican feast that they would eat for dinner. So I got to throw my
money in with everyone else and eat some great AUTHENTIC Mexican food.
To this day I am a real snob when it comes to Mexican food. I know what
the real thing tastes like.
So I would sit at the
table with these guys and they would just be talking amongst
themselves. I never had any idea what they were talking about. I was
really just the token gringo.
They are the ones that
got me eating hot peppers. And they would move me up a little at time. I
never knew what they were giving me to eat. I just trusted that they
knew what they were doing. And just when I was feeling confident they
would slip me in a pepper that burned all the way down. It would cause
my ass to burn for the next 3 days. And they would have such fun doing
The entire time I worked there all the Mexican guys
would walk up to me and tell me to go over to one of the other guys
and say something to him in Spanish.
And they would
never tell me what I was saying. And I knew whatever I was saying was
was not good but I would do it anyway because I knew it was amusing to
them. Besides that whatever I was saying wasn't getting me in any
trouble. They would just laugh and respond to me in Spanish and I would
have to go back to the first guy to get it translated. Then I would
find out what hell I was saying.
So over the course of
time I learned all the great slang like Puta , Y Tu Mamá También,
bacalao, pinche, chingate, and all the other the other words and
phrases that make the Mexican slang such a glorious thing.
could I read the Spanish on the menu at a Mexican restaurant? No, but I
could call the waiters mother a filthy whore without any problem.