Saturday, March 25, 2006

No One Dates A Negative Number

How many times have you seen a really hot girl with some average looking guy and think. Why would she want to do that? There must be something more to this relationship.

See in your head you are doing the math and you don't even realize it. And I do that to. In my head I'm thinking. "She has to be a 9 and he's a 5 at best. That's a -4! Why would she date a negative number?"

What do you think you are? The scale is from 1 to 10 and thank God I don't think I've ever seen a one. I'm pretty sure I've seen a 2 or 3 but it was from a great distance so it wasn't too painful.

I personally think that most of us are in the 4 - 7 range. Now many will say that they've seen a lot of 10s but I think we should be more like the West German judges and be very stingy when it comes to giving out the big one-oh. It should be for someone that is just unbelievable.

So here's what I'm saying.....

When you are considering a date with someone their looks are taken into consideration. I know some of you reading this are thinking to yourself "He doesn't know what he is talking about. Looks have never been important to me". Well you and I both know that I am exactly right. Anyone that denies the reality of the first look is just lying to themselves. We always size someone up by their looks first.

The difference my friends; are in the bonus points.

What are bonus points you ask? Well that is a very good question indeed and that is what I am going to discuss in the rest of this blog.

Bonus points are all the tings that make you more attractive to your potential mate. It could be anything from having great feet to the ability to administer a really good spanking. It's different for everyone but I am going to discuss what I consider to be the most common bonus points for men and women. I'm sure your list is much longer and actually I would be interested in hearing what makes your list. Maybe we'll revisit this subject again if I get some good mail.

So here is my short list for both sexes.....

Add the following bonus points for your favorite guy.

3 extra points for WEALTH - I don't know what it is about money that gives you girls a case of the warmies but history has shown it to be desirable quality. We've all seen the old guy with that hot girl on his arm. The most famous example of this Anna Nichole Smith, the average looking stripper that ended up marrying the 80 year old guy. That relationship wasn't about love or romance. And it surely wasn't about sex, that guy was so old I bet he couldn't have gotten it up with a fork lift.

1.5 extra points for POWER - You girls really like a guy that can get things done. A good example of this are politicians. Have you ever noticed the women they attract. Oh sure, some of them are married to women their age. But you are always hearing about the affairs they are having with younger women (Hello! Bill Clinton). Or they will dump their wife of 30 years and take up with a hot younger woman.

1 extra point for GREAT IN BED - Finding a guy that can really curl your toes is a good thing, isn't it? We know you girls talk just as bad as us guys do. And there nothing wrong with having the bragging rights in you circle of friends. The problem with this one is that you can't find out without doing a little research. So a guy has to have pretty good initial score for you to get far enough into things (or is that far enough into you?) to find out if he should be awarded these extra points.

.5 extra points for a BIG PENIS - I think this deserves to be on the list but it is a very elusive thing to determine. It changes for every woman. The other problem is that it doesn't guarantee great sex. The old saying "It's not the size of the tool, it's how you use it" really does apply. But I'm giving it extra bonus point anyway because even if a guy has a big tool and doesn't quite know what to do with it, you girls seem to love a project. You'll hang onto that thing hoping you can teach him a thing or two.

.5 extra points for INTELLIGENCE - You girls like a smart guy but not too smart. Geeks would be a great example of this. Very smart guys, but they never get laid for it. Except guys like Bill Gates, who took their geekyness and were able to earn 3 extra points for becoming wealthy.

Add the following bonus points for you favorite girl.

3 extra points for NICE ASS/BREASTS - What can I say, men love them! But again this is a very subjective category. Some guys like big ones, some like small ones. It really depends on the guy. The great thing for you girls is that whatever you have it's somebody's idea of perfect and you are going to get the points for it.

2 extra points for BEING A STRIPPER - Yes I know it is very sexist and superficial but I will make no apologies for putting it on the list. The ability to turn a man on is very important. A stripper is every man's fantasy. It's just a shame most of them are lesbians or hate men.

2 extra points for GIVING GOOD HEAD - Again, what can I say. We're men, this is our favorite thing and if you do it well and like to do it you are a keeper. Nuff said!

1 extra bonus point for NO KIDS - Maybe I'm showing my age here but everyone I have dated kids. I have kids to and I love kids, but the more the merrier does not necessarily apply here. Besides, someone in the relationship has to have a house with no one in it to screw in.

.5 extra bonus points for WEALTH - I'm sure you've noticed that it is not nearly as high up on the list for us guys. And rightfully so, we don't care much about money. If you have some it's just an added benefit, nothing more.

So you will notice I left sense of humor off the list. That's because I don't believe it is at all that important to you girls. Sure, I see it on all the lists of qualities women are looking for in a man. But I have a great sense of humor and it's never helped me get a woman. The only thing that's EVER helped me is begging and the lack of a restraining order.

And girls, don't even bother asking your husband/boyfriend/lover/partner if what I'm saying is true. he'll never admit it. We are way to smart for that. He's only going to tell you what he thinks you want to hear and nothing more. We are not going to do anything that will inhibit our ability to have sex with you tonight.

So what do you think you are? And don't try to post a comment with what you think I am. I don't think I could take the news

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