As I write this I'm waiting my for my baggage in Jacksonville Florida.
I'm in Jacksonville to compete in a contest. I hate contests, but
more about that later.
First I need to do some complaining ...
I'm going to say I'm already not in a good mood. I only got 3 hours
and 45 minutes worth of sleep last night. I had to get up at 2:45am to catch the
RTD bus to DIA (that's Denver International Airport) to make my 7:00am
flight. Now the bus was great, it was full of TSA (Transportation
Security Authority) employees on their way to work. They don't want to
talk about anything. Look forward and shut your hole seems to be their
motto. I couldn't have been happier.
It started as soon as I got inside the building. I couldn't even get
any peace and quiet waiting in line. I was stuck in line with a lady
that was going to Jacksonville to! (Holy Christ!) And some kid that
claimed he was roady for Megadeth (Really?). I wanted to slit my wrists with a
dull knife when the woman (who is close to 60) told the kid "I know
who Megadeth is! I don't listen to them a lot but [insert droning
Then they started in on me. What do you do? Why are you going to
Jacksonville? Do you fly Air Trans much? The answers in order are:
None of your business
None of your business
None of your business
I don't want to sound anti-social (and maybe I am) but I never tell
anyone what I do. If I tell them I'm a comic I always get, "Oh! That
must me so fun! Could you tell us a joke?" No I can't. Do I ask you
to perform your job when you aren't working? If I tell them I work
with computers I either hear about how much they hate them or end up
having to give them advice or tech support. If I tell them I own a video
store then I end up talking about movies I've not nor never
want to see.
Truthfully unless I'm traveling with you, I don't want to talk to you. I just want to get through my trip in silence.
So this time I was a professional ground pool digger going to
Jacksonville to look for work. They never seem to be able to talk about
that for very long.
Now back to our regularly scheduled griping already in progress.
I get on the plane and am seated on the isle, by now it's nearly 6:30
and all I want to sleep. The guy next to me seems to have other plans.
He spends the next 45 minutes trying to talk to me (I actually had my
eyes closed the entire time) and jamming his elbow into my side. I
finally had to ask him to quit talking to me. To his credit he did quit
talking to me, but then turned the other way and spent the rest of the
trip hitting on the girl sitting in the window seat. The way he was
talking he'd been to every major city in the world. I can't believe
anyone would believe the crap he was shoveling out.
Fortunately I was able to get about an hours worth of sleep. And
thankfully on the connecting flight out of Atlanta the guy next to me
didn't say a word. He just slept.
Now about contests ...
I'm not saying that they are all fixed because that would not be true,
but many are. Like that TV show that shows all the comedians standing
in line to get a chance to audition for a chance to compete. Did you
know that just about every one of the comedians that made it to the
finals already had management? Did you know that most of the finalists
didn't have to stand in line to audition? That they actually had appointments to
go in and do their audition? I can't watch that show without yelling
at the TV.
I've only been in one other contest. It was many years ago and when I
went to the finals I had the highest score from the preliminaries. I had
the highest score in the finals. Did I win you ask? Nope, I had a
deduction from my score for going over my time, which by the way I
didn't do. But it was the only way the club could push the right person
into the winning spot. And would you like to know who that was? It was a
TV weatherman that brought his cameras with him to record his
participation in the contest and air it on his broadcast. It was a great way to get the club
advertised and in the process give me a bad attitude.
That was nearly 10 years ago and I haven't entered one since, until now.
I'm going to be competing in the Carnival Cruise Challenge. From
everything I've heard it is on the up and up. I'm one of 50 or so
people competing for a week of work on a Carnival Cruise ship. Now I
have no idea if I'll win but I'm actually in this contest for the
exposure. The judges for this contest are some of the best bookers in
the business. I'm hoping I can make a good impression and get some
work out of it.
The results will be in my next blog entry.